Bagel Jokes (baked up by real people!)

Probably my favorite breakfast is a bagel with cream cheese, salmon and capers, it’s just soo good. When I used to work in an office my team would take turns cooking breakfast for everyone on Friday mornings and some people would go all out with what they would make. I however decided to ‘cook’ with the least amount of effort and make my favorite salmon bagels for everyone. Sometimes my wife Elien would also make me some of her homemade bagels for me to use (so good) and I would keep a few extra for myself for lunch.

Well today I have some bagel jokes that I have reviewed and added over time. All these are homegrown human-made jokes (no AI used in baking these!), and there is a printable version that is free to download as well. You could even have them stacked and sitting on the breakfast table and take turns delivering them for some early morning eye rolls. If you have any bagel puns to add, then please let me know down in the comments (I promise I check them all).

A card with the text: “What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.” placed on a wooden heart-shaped board, with a woven surface underneath.

Bagel Jokes

What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
Why was the bagel so lazy? It was slow to rise.
Did you hear about the tennis-playing bagel? It was seeded.
Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese.
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast? Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast.
What do you get if you cross a doughnut with a bagel? A hybread.
What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods.
Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign.
Why was the bagel in a cage? It was bread in captivity.
What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
Why are bagels religious? They’re very holy.
What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker? It’s nice to be kneaded.
What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy.
Why did the bagel go to the bar? To get toasted.
Why shouldn’t you get a job in a bagel shop? It’s a crummy place to work.