Finger Jokes (typed up by a real person!)

As I’m typing this I am quietly appreciating how useful my fingers are, they really are responsible for so much of what we do on a daily basis. In New Zealand (where I live), sign language is a national language (along with English and Māori), don’t think it is for America but I do remember when my kids would come home from school and show me what they learned in sign language. The fact that we have made a language using just fingers is pretty cool I reckon.

Well, while using my fingers, I have typed up my list of finger jokes (made by real people who have fingers! not AI!). I hand selected each of these, given the thumbs up to them all and added ones myself. At the end there is a free printable version of some of the jokes in case you wish to print and cut them out. If you have any finger puns to add, let me know in the comments so I can add them to the list.

A card on a wooden heart reads, What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints. The card is white with a blue border and sits on a woven surface.

Finger Jokes

What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints.
Where can you find giant snails? At the end of a giants fingers.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar? Finger prince.
A roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “five beers please”.
What do you call it when only one finger steers your car? A thumb drive.
What has five fingers and isn’t your hand? My hand.
What’s the most reliable body part? You can always count on your fingers.
What is the opposite of Lady Fingers? Mentoes.
My friend just broke all his fingers in a freak accident. I can’t even imagine how he feels.
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
Why don’t people with butter fingers like jokes? They can’t handle it.
What nails do carpenters hate hitting? Fingernails.
Why does a thief need glue? To give him sticky fingers.
How did a man buy a house with a chicken finger? It was legal tender
Looking for ways to keep my hands warm in fingerless gloves. Any tips?
I dislocated my finger but my friends helped reset it. It was a joint effort.
Doctor, doctor I recently had an accident and lost three fingers on my right hand, will I still be able to write with it?’ ‘Probably! But I wouldn’t count on it.”
A robot broke a kids finger during a chess tournament. Still processing it.
Just grilled some fish fingers. I didn’t get any information out of them though.
When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
My uncle cut off his finger while trimming his trees, but can’t remember how it happened. He tried his best to remember, but ended up stumped.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I asked my friend to lend me a hand. But all he gave me was a finger.
Did you know, zombies don’t eat popcorn with their fingers? They like to eat their fingers separately.
Why did the construction worker dip his finger in blue ink? To get a blueprint.
A football player goes to the physio and says “it hurts when I touch my arm, my chest and my leg”. The physio says “you have broken your finger”.
A few people were mean to me about choosing to wear mittens instead of gloves, but I don’t like to point fingers.
I awoke from an accident and was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
I am trying to figure out the reason why I have such difficulty using my doorbell. I just can’t put my finger on it.